


I Don’t Love You

by TamarElmensdorp



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cheating, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 08:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13632573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamarElmensdorp/pseuds/TamarElmensdorp
Summary: You know I don't love you. And I never did. I don't want you. And I never will.





	I Don’t Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo! It seems I did it. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get a story out before the deadline of [this challenge [challenge] Valentine’s Jukebox](https://museslash.dreamwidth.org/2127913.html), but it seems like I did.

“Yeah, well,” Matt shouted into the phone. “You know, I don't love you. And-and I never did. And I don't want you. And I never will,” and with that he ended the call and hurled his phone onto the bed with force.

Of course, he meant none of that and flung himself on the bed too, curling up into the tiniest of rolls, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

No, he meant none of that. Quite the opposite, in fact. Matt had been best friends with Dom ever since their families became next door neighbours when they had moved to Teignmouth. Matt had been ten at the time. Before the first month was over, they had created a hole in the hedge that separated their backyards, so they could sneak into each other’s garden. 

At first they would just use it to play in the garden without having to go through the hassle of using front doors, or having to deal with whomever would open the door for them. Later they would also find ways to sneak into each other’s bedrooms to hang out; time for playing long gone.

It was around that time, when they were eleven/twelve, that Matt started to discover sex. Not that he had had any sex yet, that came later, but he started to get interested in others. Or to be more precise, he started to look at Dom in a different way. He wanted him, and only him, and that had never changed.

Apparently it had changed for Dom, though. The time of sneaking into each other’s room lay far behind them. College had come and gone. Working life had begun and, in the not too distant future, middle age peeped at the horizon. Maybe that was what had happened here: a midlife crisis.

Matt wasn’t enough anymore. Not young enough. Not beautiful enough. Not slender enough; yes, he knew he had gained a bit of a belly over the years, but it wasn’t _that_ bad. He was just not good enough for Dom. Not anymore.

Or had he never been good enough to start with? Matt started to wonder. Dom had never wanted to find a home together, even though Matt had asked him often enough. He had been ready to settle down after college. Yearned to have a place for just the two of them. Somewhere where he knew he would find the love of his life after a long day at work. Where they could cuddle up on the couch together, not necessarily needing to talk, but just to be together; cosy and warm.

There had been some indiscretions on Dom’s side when they were in college. But, hey, they were still young and foolish back then. Matt had long since forgiven him, especially since Dom had always been honest about them. He had always felt bad afterwards, begging Matt to forgive him, to, please, don’t leave him. Besides, wasn’t college the time to experiment anyway?

After college, Dom had quickly found his dream job at a highly respected art gallery. It brought him into contact with great, promising, young artists, as well as the rich and famous who wanted to spend their money on something with more depth than drugs and booze.

Matt hadn’t fared so well. Being a music major had limited his career options considerably. He had found a job waiting tables in a cute, little coffee shop in the business district. They had lots of customers for lunch, or late breakfast. After four, though, things often got quiet, and Matt would be sent home before the end of his shift.

To cover for his lack of income, Matt had found a second job. This time as a bartender at a pub close to his apartment. The two jobs combined made sure he had enough money every month, but the work was hard, and the hours were long, and they left little time to spend with Dom.

Maybe that was what had gone wrong. Maybe he just hadn’t spent enough time with Dom. Maybe he had been too tired, too often, when they _did_ get to spend time together. Maybe he just hadn’t shown Dom enough how much he loved him. Maybe it was all just his fault. 

Probably.

Matt uncurled himself from his tight roll and sat up on the bed. First thing he did, was look at his phone to see if he had any missed messages. He didn’t. Then he slowly got up. Should he drown his sorrow in the shower, or at the bottom of a bottle of Scotch? He decided to go for the latter. He didn’t care about feeling clean. He never wanted to feel clean again.

He dragged himself to the living room, dropped to his knees in front of the liquor cabinet, and grabbed a full bottle of Scotch from it. He didn’t bother getting up, nor with getting a glass. He took a big gulp straight from the bottle. And he didn’t stop until he was so drunk he couldn’t get up anymore and he passed out. The bottle was nearly empty by then.

His alcohol induced sleep was filled with dreams; ranging from angsty, through erotic, to the just plain weird. They all had one thing in common, though: Dom. Dom would forever leave him, have crazy, hot, sex with him, or fly in circles around his head. All was Dom, Dom, Dom.

“I don’t love you, never did, never did,” Matt mumbled in his sleep, and tears would fall from his eyes, even in his comatose state.

 

In another room, a couple of blocks away, a different scene was being played out. After Matt had so rudely hung up on him, Dom had called Pete. Pete was one of the young, handsome artists affiliated with the art gallery where Dom worked. Pete had the extra allure that he was cute eccentric, and super rich as well. 

Pete was also the reason why Dom had called Matt earlier. Pete had been flirting with Dom for a couple of weeks now. And Dom had not been averse to the attention. It was not that he didn’t love Matt, oh no, absolutely not. He adored Matt and wanted to grow old with him. It was just that sometimes he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. He knew that was a bad thing, that it hurt Matt, but he just couldn’t help himself.

It had happened during college. Matt had always forgiven him then. But it didn’t stop after that. Dom had just stopped telling Matt. They were mostly just one night stands that didn’t mean anything. But with Pete it was different. Pete was a reoccurring thing, and now he had asked if Dom wanted to go sailing with him. Just him, not Matt too.

Where Matt had known nothing about Pete, Pete _had_ known something about Matt. Matt was the love of Dom’s life. Pete would never take his place, and Dom would never leave him. Pete hadn’t minded. He was totally okay with coming second. He had _not_ been okay with taking Matt with them on their sailing trip however, no matter how much Dom had begged him.

And that was were things went wrong for Dom. Dom had called Matt. Dom had called Matt to tell him about Pete. Pete, whom he secretly had sort of an affair with. Pete, who now wanted to take Dom on a sailing trip. Just Dom. And for some reason Dom didn’t understand now, he had felt the need to tell Matt about it. Why hadn’t he just said that the sailing trip was work related? That he had to go with this weird, eccentric artist to keep him bringing his business to the gallery?

Why, why, why? Matt had screamed at him. True, he deserved that, but Matt had ended the call saying he never loved him, never wanted him, never would. Never would. That’s what, Dom now realised, devastated him. Somewhere between calling Pete and him actually arriving at Dom’s, his mood had changed from being so angry at Matt for having hung up on him, to being broken because Matt would never love him.

He didn’t believe that Matt had never loved him, or wanted him. Matt never had loved anyone but him. Dom was quite sure of that. But maybe he had gone too far, no, for sure he had gone too far, but maybe now, Matt would never want him again, never love him again. The thought weighed heavy on his heart, crushing him like a boulder. He had to try to somehow make it up. He just _had_ to.

Dom grabbed his coat and his keys, which of course also contained a set of Matt’s keys, and ran out the door. In his rush to get to Matt, he forgot that Pete was on his way to him, he also forgot his phone, leaving it on the couch where he threw it after having been hung up on. Later he would find several missed voicemails from Pete, first concerned ones, but they would turn into angry ones quickly enough, eventually leading to the loss of an artist for the gallery.

Matt was still lying in a semi comatose heap on the floor when Dom arrived at his place. As soon as Dom noticed him just lying there, he ran to his side.

“M-Matt, are you okay? Babe, wake up. Wake up, baby, please. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

Words of regret tumbled from Dom’s mouth, while he carefully took Matt in his arms, rocking him softly. Tears fell from his eyes. _How much had Matt drunk? Had he just fallen asleep, or was something more serious going on? Did he need to be taken to a hospital?_ Panic was starting to arise in Dom’s mind, when he suddenly felt Matt sturr in his arms. Carefully he released his tight hold on Matt and took his face in one of his hands, the other still holding him upright.

“Matt, dear, I’m here. Are you okay?” Dom softly whispered.

Matt’s eyes fluttered open.

“Nebber zid, nebber zid”, he murmured. “Bud no, zhats no srue, ‘zit? ‘sNot srue, not srue.”

And new tears started falling from his eyes again. When he realised Dom’s face wasn’t an hallucination, but that he was really there, he violently started to shake his head, fear in his eyes.

“‘sNot srue, lob, ‘snot srue. Yuknow zhat, wight? ‘sNot srue. ‘sNot srue. Lob yu fowewwah.”

“I know, babe, I know. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you too. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry for being such a dick.”

Dom started crying now too. Matt threw his arms around Dom’s neck, grabbing him as tight as he could, burying his face in his neck. Dom returned the gesture, and they stayed like that for a while, just holding on to each other in a tight embrace. When it felt like Matt was falling asleep again, Dom pulled out of the embrace.

“Come,” he said. “Let’s get you cleaned up a bit, love.”

Dom stood up, and picked Matt up from the floor and carried him to the bathroom, where he carefully lowered him down to the toilet seat.

“Can you sit up, or do you think you’ll fall off? Do I need to hold you, or lean you against a wall, or something? I need to get some fluids into you. And a shower would help too.”

He was not really expecting any answers. When he saw the way Matt was slouching, he already knew the answers. He lifted Matt from the toilet and onto the ground, leaning him against the bathtub. He quickly left for the kitchen to get a glass. When he returned, he rummaged through the cabinet for some Panadol, took two pills from the package and gave them to Matt while he filled the glass.

“Here, let’s start with this. I don’t think you are stable enough to take a shower, so I will make you a bath. I will join you to make sure you won’t drown.”

Dom started to fill up the bath, gave Matt another glass of water, and then proceeded to undress him, which was no small task. He quickly undressed himself before he lowered Matt into the bath, then swiftly climbed in behind him. When he was settled, he pulled Matt back towards him, resting his head on his shoulder, holding him steady with his arms around him, hands resting on his belly.

This was so nice, even with Matt as drunk as he was. How stupid had he been to risk all of this over some silly flings? Matt was the one he loved, the one he wanted to always be with, the one he wanted to grow old with.

“Babe,” he whispered in Matt’s ear, “I love you. I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I will never do anything like this ever again. I will never hurt you again. Do you believe me? Will you forgive me?”

A small nod was felt on his chest, and when Dom looked down, he saw Matt looking up at him with only love in his eyes.

“Matt. Matt, will you marry me?”


End file.
